What Do I Do When My Child Tells Me He's Been Sexually Abused?

As the mother of three children who were abused by a friendly, helpful neighbor who turned out to be one of the most prolific sexual predators in American history, "It's Not Your Fault" founder and Executive Director Polly Franks wants America's parents to take action. 

1.  First of all, BELIEVE YOUR CHILD.  Children rarely, if ever, lie about being sexually abused.  There is no valid reason for a child to have intimate knowledge of sexual matters.  Don't think it can't happen.  Ninety percent of incidents of child sexual abuse occur with someone your child knows. 

2.  Just as important is to assure your child that this is NOT their fault.  Make sure he or she clearly understands that this is 100 percent the offender's fault and not the child's.  Convey this to your child no matter how many times it takes, no matter how long it takes.  Remember, there is no such thing as "consent" when a child is sexually abused by an adult.

3. Hard as it is, try to remain calm and LISTEN to what your child has to say.  Most parents' immediate reaction is to fly into a rage and seek their own form of justice.  This is completely natural and very understandable.  However, the most important thing is to help your child get through this.  Your child's healing is more important than your own pain and rage.  Remember, you won't be able to help your child at all if you're locked up in jail.

4. Make sure he or she knows they've done the right thing by telling you, and make sure they know that they can come to you ANYTIME and tell you absolutely ANYTHING.  Give them your unconditional love and support.

5. Get professional help for your child, and for yourself.  It's a major mistake to think that you can handle this alone.  Seek appropriate medical care for your child, either through a pediatrician's office or a trip to the nearest hospital emergency room.  Obtain professional counseling for your child and yourself with an established mental health professional who has experience in treating survivors of child sexual abuse.

6. Notify the police immedately and cooperate with them, as well as  whatever appropriate authorities are brought into the investigation.  

7. Finally, respect your child's right to dignity and privacy.  Kids are people, too.