Learning how to rise above judgmental people in your life—including judgments you place on yourself—is a worthy effort, especially if you are a caregiver or a person with health concerns. People in the role of caregiving know that the experience can be isolating and lonely, where everything seems to be a struggle.
People with health concerns may judge themselves for things they did or did not do. Doctors can judge patients who don’t follow through with recommendations. Family members judge
aging parents who seem stubborn and refuse to participate in care.
Inspiration is here to help you rise above judgmental people and situations to see that life can be more enjoyable. Caregivers and patients often feel as if their lives are closing in on them, and their choices may be limited. There may be time constraints on freedom or activities, and opportunities may pass you by.
Consider that these thoughts and beliefs may be faulty or inaccurate. Thoughts, beliefs, and experiences can hit a negative ceiling.
Words matter.You can break through the ceiling and rise to the next level above judgment – judgment from others, self-doubt, or self-judgment. You can become the leader in caregiving relationships and other areas of life by identifying thoughts or gaps holding you back and choosing to focus on your strengths.
Focus on what you enjoy. Devote time to what you’re good at instead of dwelling on self-doubt or judgment. When you focus on positive aspects of life instead of gloom and doom, negatives and problems begin to shrink in severity. You rise above judgment.
It’s easy for caregivers to get lost in day-to-day challenges, underestimate themselves, forget who they were before caregiving, lose self-confidence, and think they’re a failure or a victim of circumstances. Maybe it’s time to create a new you.
How Does Judgment Arise?
Let’s examine how judgment occurs and how this experience can relate to all areas of life. Having a bigger perspective about judgment means it’s easier to let these feelings go.
Caregivers can judge other family members. Adult caregivers in blended families can judge step-siblings and step-parents. Caregivers can feel judged or ignored by non-caregivers. Caregivers and care receivers can judge each other.
Some people may never be happy.
The results are relationships that go off track. So, how can one learn to rise above judgmental people?
Living in the Basement or the Penthouse?
Let’s start by considering the idea of ceilings and floors and ascending to the next level of emotional understanding to rise above judgmental people and self-judgment. You can emotionally live in the basement or have a beautiful view from the penthouse.
To understand where judgment begins, let’s look at elementary school. First graders learn to read simple words and their meanings. They learn to write and spell. They learn math basics—how to count, add, and subtract.
There is a difference between a first-grader and a fifth-grader. A fifth grader may have advanced their math skills to decimals, algebra equations, and geometry. Fifth graders may read poetry or history and learn how to structure sentences. Social studies, science, performing arts, teamwork, sports, making friends, and gaining social skills may be on the list of other school activities.
So, when you compare first and fifth grades, you will see differences in abilities, thinking, and social skills.
Generally, there is no thinking that first-graders are bad and fifth-graders are good. They are at different learning ceilings and levels of advancement.
Assuming they do well every year, children move up one grade or level. These elemental differences continue through middle school, high school, college, and the workplace.
You form beliefs, values, character, and thought patterns depending on where you live, your family life, and your life experiences. All of this is the natural progression of life until judgment appears. One day, a brick wall or a bump in the road halts progress.
A disagreement with a friend destroys the relationship because of a lack of emotional maturity. The A on a school paper or a raise at work does not materialize. Someone else gets the job or promotion. Hopes and dreams are lost.
Disappointments Fuel Judgments and Identify Gaps
When these challenges occur, individuals begin to judge themselves and others. They might feel that something is wrong with them or that they’re not good enough. The simple explanation is that there is a gap to fill to rise above judgmental people.
And whether one fills the gap or hits the ceiling and can’t get to the next floor is up to them. Limitations may not be identified until a kind spirit enters who offers encouragement and practical advice to rise above judging others or ourselves. We may not realize that we are the judgmental person in the equation.
People who encourage us to do better are leaders. One day, we can return the blessing by becoming leaders and supporters for others who might be struggling.
Look back at your childhood. Were you ridiculed in school? Were you bullied? Children can be unknowingly cruel. Hurt people hurt others by being cruel or judgmental.
Bullying is a common behavior among workers in healthcare systems.
These experiences form potential biases and judgments that present the opportunity to rise above becoming a judgmental person. It’s easy to see events and people as bad or good depending on how they affect one’s emotional state or how they threaten a sense of security, safety, stability, and well-being.
Some learn to rise above judgment, while others hit the ceiling because of unresolved past experiences or emotional triggers.
Siblings who do not want to help care for aging parents can be seen as non-helpful and self-centered. Although siblings may be at different stages of life with different priorities, these differences do not make them good or bad people. Yet caregivers judge their family members.
Non-caregivers might see caregivers as whiners, complainers, self-sacrificers, or martyrs who can’t get their lives together. People who lack experience and perspective easily judge others because they view situations from a narrow lens. The more experience one gains, the wider the lens and the ability to rise above judgmental people.
Find more tips here:
How Does Caregiving Affect Family RelationshipsLife Becomes More Complicated
The challenge is that interactions become more complicated with exposure to more experiences. Experiences are complicated by different personalities, people from different backgrounds and beliefs, and physically and emotionally challenging situations.
Like first—and fifth-graders, responses are based on life experiences and knowledge gained. One rises above judgment or gets stuck.
Let me share a personal example of a learning gap from my early career. This example relates to a variety of relationships and life situations.
In this situation, I was the judgmental person, working on a team of three: my manager, me, and another person.
Life and work were great. My co-worker and I enjoyed working together. Unfortunately, she resigned when her husband accepted a position in another city.
Her replacement was someone not at all like her. It was the idea of “Which of these things is not like the other?” Like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
Admittedly, I was young, lacked maturity, and had a narrow focus. I had difficulty relating to this person with whom I had nothing in common. In my mind, she was arrogant and unapproachable. I doubted that we had anything in common or ever would.
I was the girl who went camping, swam in lakes, and caught nightcrawlers to go fishing. She wore pearl necklaces and starched outfits. Through this experience and my less-than-ideal attitude, I became the employee who was “difficult to get along with.”
My boss supported and coached me through this period of judgment. With his help, I eventually transferred to a different company division, where I made a fresh start.
Bumping Up Against a Ceiling
I hit a ceiling in my personal development. Fortunately, early in life, I learned an important lesson about bumping against a personal ceiling and had someone to help me navigate this sticky situation so it did not negatively impact me or others.
I learned that not everyone is like me, nor will everyone like me. In the workplace, as in other areas of life, it’s impossible to like everyone or be liked. You can learn to be curious about other people, listen to their opinions, and respect their ideas even if they differ.
Great results and collaborations happen when people of different backgrounds join forces. There is potential to learn, grow, and move up to another level.
How many of you have had similar conflicting experiences where you hit a ceiling? How did you work through it to get to the next floor? Are you still working through it?
Life is a road of many lessons. Learning and gaining knowledge is something that no one can take away from you. Be proud of your gaps and weaknesses. Look at them as opportunities to rise up.
Suspending Judgment
For me, closing the judgment gap and moving up to the next floor was a lesson in learning to suspend judgment—to rise above judgment to give people the benefit of the doubt. To be open to new experiences.
What does giving someone the benefit of the doubt mean? It’s a choice to believe something good about someone rather than something bad. Be open-minded when you’d rather not. It’s choosing to trust someone until you learn or verify that they are untrustworthy.
If you are a
caregiver involved in complicated family situations, blended families, step-siblings or step-parents, healthcare workers, insurance companies, and others, you know it’s easy to judge or be judged. You can choose to rise above judgmental people and your own judgments.
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Why Sibling Agreements Are Beneficial for the Care of Elderly ParentsHow can we avoid allowing judgment to harden our hearts and close us off from others? Here are a few tips:
1 Realize that judgmental thoughts are negative thoughts
If you want to progress in life and move up to the next floor, negative thinking will not help you. You will hit a ceiling and stay there while others manage their emotions and rise above judgmental people.
2 When your mind goes to a place of judgment, stop and ask yourself, why am I judging?
Is there a prior situation in life causing me to feel this way? Identify the emotional trigger and resolve it. Rise above judgment, and don’t get pulled into emotional self-destruction.
3 When you judge, ask if this is a helpful thought
Is investing in thinking bad things or creating stories around this person or event valuable time spent? How can I invest my attention in something more positive? Can I be curious, empathetic, graceful, and open to learning instead of judging?
4 Is there something in this person I don’t like in myself, so I project my insecurities onto them?
On the other hand, if you are feeling judged, ask yourself how much truth there is in the judgment. If none, let it go. How do I resolve my self-doubt or inaccurate beliefs if there is truth in what another person says about me?
By learning to control our thoughts and reactions, we free ourselves of emotional attachments that can prevent us from becoming better caregivers.
Rise Above Judgment to Set a Good Example
We prevent ourselves from becoming the caregiver leaders we can be by falling prey to judgment and negative thinking. If you want others to help you, give them the benefit of the doubt, be positive, and be kind. Seek to understand. Be curious. Be more accepting and less judgmental of others, including
aging parents and loved ones.
You might be pleasantly surprised how other people’s reactions will positively change toward you when your beliefs, attitudes, and reactions are more welcoming and cheerful.
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved. Sometimes, it can be challenging to see beyond other people’s judgments to learn the foundation for their beliefs. Gaining understanding, experience, and knowledge can eliminate judgment.
If you want to test your judgment skills, watch the news on opposing channels. Who is telling the truth? Who is spinning the story to present a slanted or negative view? What is their motivation?
What information are they purposely leaving out that might cause you to believe the opposite of what they present? Are they presenting information out of context? Do you trust them?
By becoming curious, we can break the barriers that divide us to create positive caregiving relationships and experiences in life. So this week, choose to rise above judgment. Choose to be the leader in the movie of your life.
Looking For Help Caring for Elderly Parents? Find the Information, Including Step-by-Step Processes, in Pamela’s Online Program.
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