Downers Grove, IL

Thursday, November 05, 2009

It's November 6, 2009 and time for…

Dale Irvin's Friday Funnies

The stock market is up; the temperature is down; and in less than three weeks we get to eat turkey until we burst. This week had a bright outlook but it also had more than its share of strange people doing odd things. Here are the strangest and the oddest.

THE WEEK IN REVIEW

? News From Around The World – We have all heard the phrase, "born with a silver spoon in one's mouth" but for most of us it is a figurative statement. A lady in Rotterdam, Holland, however, seems to have taken it literally. Margaret Daalmans, loves sitting down to dinner but instead of food, she eats the silverware. This week she woke up with a stomach ache and when she went to the doctor an x-ray revealed 78 forks and spoons in her stomach. She said that she did it because she felt an urge to eat the silverware and could not help herself, but she only ate spoons and forks. When asked why she didn't eat knives she replied, "What do you think I am, crazy?"

A bricklayer in Rio De Janeiro was reportedly killed in a car accident but nobody bothered to tell him. Ademir Goncalves spent the night drinking cachaca, a sugarcane liquor that sounds funny but will kick your butt. The next day he found out that there had been an accident and that he was presumed dead. He disproved the theory by showing up at his own funeral and saying "Anybody looking for me?" After the crowd was resuscitated, it was discovered that the body had been misidentified and belonged to somebody else. To celebrate, the good news it was shots of cachaca for everybody…except for whoever it was that was in the casket.

? Robbers You Can Bank On – "Geezer and The Fat Man" sounds like a 70's cop flick but this week it's the description of two bank robbers. In Rancho Santa Fe, California, the "Oxygen Tank Bandit" struck again. A man in his 70's with a tank and oxygen tubes running to his nose robbed his fourth bank in Southern California. He is smartly dressed from his tweed jacket down to his sensible shoes but thus far has eluded capture. I don't know why they don't just chase this guy on foot the next time he strikes. He's on an oxygen tank, how fast can he be?

In Tamarac, Florida another robber pulled his fourth bank robbery but they have all been at the same bank. He is described as a heavyset man that tellers recognize when he comes in the bank. Again, he's a fat man, chase him. Geesh, I should be in charge of security somewhere.

? "Can You Trace This Call And Tell Me Where I Am?" One person in Wisconsin knows when to say when, but she said it a little bit late. Mary Strey of Granton, WI was driving drunk but she knew it and did the right thing. She called police to report a drunk driver and when the police asked her if she was behind the suspect vehicle she replied "I am them" At this point she was advised to pull over and wait for police. If all of this country's drunks showed the same kind of civility and civic duty, we could rid this nation of the show "Cops"

Dale Irvin

Professional Summarizer

Downers Grove, IL

630-852-7695