Wednesday, February 28, 2024
#200 Blog Post - Wednesday, 28 February 2024
Posted by Denny Hatch
How Smarty-pants Super Bowl Ads
At $7-Million Each Broke All the Rules.
The Nine Inviolable Rules of Advertising
Compiled by Denny Hatch Over 60 Years.
Rule #1: “Theonly purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitableaccording to its actual sales.”
—Claude Hopkins, Scientific Advertising
Rule #2: “Yourjob is to sell, not entertain.”
—Jack Maxson, freelancer, creator of theBrookstone catalog
Rule #3: “If itdoesn’t sell, it’s not creative.”
—Credo of Benton and Bowles, Chicago, in the1930s
Rule #4: “Everytime we get creative we lose money.”
—Ed McCabe, president of BMG Music Club
Rule #5: “Bewareof humor in advertising. People don’t buy from clowns.” —David Ogilvy
Rule #6: The 7emotional hot buttons that make people buy: Fear – Greed – Guilt – Anger –Exclusivity – Salvation – Flattery
—Bob Hacker, Axel Anderssen, Denny Hatch
Rule#7: “The prospect doesn’t give a damn about you, yourcompany or your product. All that matters is, ‘What’s in it for me?’”
—BobHacker
Rule #8: Always listen to W-I-I FM.
—Direct Marketing Old Saw
Rule #9: “Always makeit easy to order.”
—Elsworth Howell, CEO, Grolier Enterprises
Regarding the LedeIllustration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjLr4bdLPIs
“A pair of lifelikebabies play pickleball with a pair of obnoxious adults in need of schooling.One of the few ads whose humor has anything resembling a bite.”
—Mike Hale, New York Times Television Critic
What Was E-Trade Thinking?
TheE-Trade corporate officers who authorized the spending of $7,000,000.00plus God only knows how much additional production dough) for the above 30-second Super Bowl sure-as-hell got their money's worthof exposure. They reached an estimated 127.3 million viewers.
Yeah, but... How many ofthis vast audience were convinced and comforted that the folks at E-Tradeshould be trusted with the financial future of their family’s future retirementand the kids’ college expenses? When you Google E-Trade, here’s what comes up:
Could the aboveoh-so-cutesy-poo Picklebabies @$7-million for a 30-second gag ad persuade Peggyand me to switch our modest lifetime savings from Fidelity to E-Trade?
Not bloody likely.
In other words, what wasE-Trade’s ROI?
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/11/arts/television/super-bowl-commercials-ads-best-worst.html
By Mike Hale, The New York Times Television Critic.
Feb.11, 2024. Updated Feb.12, 2024, 11:27 a.m. ET
In the spirit of “Who actually watches the game?,” here is ourranking of Sunday night’s Super Bowl commercials, from best to worst.
Ground rules: Only ads shown on the national CBS broadcastduring the game were eligible. Not included are some non-commercial (religious,political, social advocacy) spots and most movie trailers and promos fortelevision and streaming broadcasts.
NOTE by DH: Many of these ads run longer than 30 seconds — thus costing tons more than $7 million. Plus all production costs, corporate and agency salaries, expenses, expense accounts, etc., etc.
The Bestof the Bunch
These are the ones we’ll remember for at least a day or two.
BMW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfB-glrgn5o
Christopher Walken makesfun of people making fun of Christopher Walken, with a cameo performance by theSuper Bowl halftime star Usher. As always, he walks the walk.
Mountain Dew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAdDi6G74mc
Aubrey Plazaflat-affects her way through life with the help of a carbonated citrusbeverage. Plaza is reliably droll, and there’s a late “Parks and Recreation”homage
Squarespace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp5v3-3Hc-E
Aliens (a theme in this year’s ads) come to earth and can’t getour attention until they figure out how to get on the internet. It ishandsomely directed by Martin Scorsese (working with the “Barbie”cinematographer Rodrigo Prieto), though it’s not at all clear what’s beingadvertised.
Lindt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ghDxSkEERE
A chocolate ball bops around the world to the tune of PerryComo’s “Round and Round.” Shiny, bouncy candy.
‘A Quiet Place: Day One’
https://mashable.com/video/a-quiet-place-day-one-super-bowl-ad
Lupita Nyong’o faces an alien invasion in a prequel film to JohnKrasinski’s “A Quiet Place.” The clear winner among the movie trailers.
Google
A man with low vision records his life in sharp photographsusing a new feature of the Google Pixel. Touching story with a predictable buteffective big finish.
Dunkin’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOwR9TIeXTs
A blustery Ben Affleck tries to impress an unimpressed JenniferLopez while an embarrassed Matt Damon and enthusiastic Tom Brady look on.Pleasant buzz of star power.
poppi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZin7yVU_1c
Attractive young peoplein grainy, retro split-screen video try to convince us of the healthy nature ofthe sodas sold by this Austin, Texas-based beverage company. Visually fizzy.
National Football League
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7glIC7OaIro
A youngster imagines playing American football as he runsthrough a crowded Ghanaian market accompanied by N.F.L. players, then emergesinto an N.F.L. international training program and encounters the former NewYork Giant Osi Umenyiora. Better ground game than the Chiefs or 49ers.
BetMGM
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=betmgm+super+bowl+commercial+
Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady, and only Tom Brady, is notallowed to use the sports betting service because he has already won too much.Vaughn-to-Brady is a winning combination.
We interrupt this blog post to bring you a sample of
what you can expect in the "Also Ran" Categories.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEdk5JzXMs0
ThePerfectly Fine
These get an A for effort and aB- for execution.
TurboTax
The “Abbott Elementary” star Quinta Brunson tells us (twice) todo our taxes. Brunson is so darn likable that it seems like a good idea.
NYX Cosmetics
Cardi B raps about lip gloss; an accompanying comedy bit aboutmen using Duck Plump to plump something other than their lips was availableonline but not shown on CBS. The timidity was disappointing but Cardi B isnever not funny.
Apartments.com
Aliens come to earth and, naturally, need an apartment.Simple-minded but any scenario benefits from the presence of Jeff Goldblum.
Etsy
America realizes it needs to give France a gift in return forthe Statue of Liberty, uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. Sounds cute, andit is.
Kia
Dad of the year uses his Kia EV9 to light a pop-up ice rink so ayoung figure skater can perform for her ailing grandfather. (Or at least that’swhat it looks like.) High-horsepower tear-jerker.
Coors
The Coors Light train roars across the country to salvage anawkward big-game party. Forward momentum and an amusing five-second LL Cool Jcameo.
Volkswagen
The American dream as lived by an immigrant named the Beetle,from 1949 to the present, set to “I Am … I Said.” Herbie goes to Ellis Island.
Doritos
A pair of abuelas named Dina and Mita go into avenger mode whena young guy grabs the last bag of Dinamita chips. Comic action with a briefappearance by Jenna Ortega.
Verizon
Beyoncé, with the help of Tony Hale (in “Veep” mode), tries tobreak the internet as a saxophonist, cyborg, Barbie, astronaut and Botus.Sorry, BeyHive, but self-referential does not equal super.
Microsoft
Everyday people contemplate the differences that the CopilotA.I. assistant could make in their lives. Evocative and (intentionally?) alittle eerie.
SToK Cold Brew
Anthony Hopkins lampoonshis own gravitas to sell cold brew coffee as well as promote the Wrexham soccerclub. Sir Anthony is in good form but his 2016 spot for TurboTax wasfunnier.
Inoffensive but Forgettable
They tried. Nobody got hurt.
T-Mobile
Pluto TV
‘IF’
State Farm
Nerds
Budweiser
Salomon
Dove
Try Again
Had some talent involved but theresult sailed wide right.
Booking.com
Starry
CeraVe
‘N.F.L.Sunday Ticket’
Michelob Ultra
Popeyes
Bass Pro Shops
Mighty Patch
Pringles
Hellmann’s
Veozah
Uber Eats
Snapchat
TheFlagrant Missteps
Famous people and millions of dollars that
together can’t quite amount to mediocrity.
M&M’s
CrowdStrike
Pfizer
Bud Light
e.l.f. Cosmetics
Miller Lite
Homes.com
Kawasaki
Sketchers
Reese’s
The Worst of the Bunch
It takes real effort to be this bad.
Oreo
Paramount+
Temu
BodyArmor
Toyota
Drumstick
FanDuel
Takeaway to Consider
Super Bowl Commercials 2024 — @ $7 million popfor 30 seconds of air time — is a billion dollar ego trip for Mad.Ave. Creative Directors and their Dumb-ass Clients.
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Word Count: 1358
292pp 6" x 9"
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Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/Method-Marketing-Denison-Hatch/dp/1648372767/ref=sr_1_9?keywords=method+marketing&qid=1681898276&sr=8-9
Barnes & Noble
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/method-marketing-denison-hatch/1100485178?ean=9781648372766
At age 15, Denny Hatch—as a lowly apprentice—wrote his first news release for a Connecticut summer theater. To his astonishment it ran verbatim in The Middletown Press.He was instantly hooked on writing. After a two-year stint in the U.S. Army (1958-60), Denny had nine jobs in his first 12 years in business. He was fired from five of them and went on to save two businesses and start three others. One of his businesses—WHO’S MAILING WHAT! newsletterand archive service founded in 1984—revolutionized the science of how to measure the success of competitors’ direct mail. In the past 55 yearshe has been a book club director, magazine publisher, advertising copywriter/designer, editor, journalist and marketing consultant. He is the author of four published novels and seven books on business and marketing.
CONTACT
dennyhatch@yahoo.com
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