Recently, on my local TV station’s mid-day magazine program, the subject of “breaking up” was featured. The hosts were discussing whether breaking up is harder for men or women. This got me thinking about how difficult it can be to end a relationship.

As a Dating and Relationship Coach for over 20 years, I’ve learned and witnessed, what makes a relationship work and what doesn’t. Usually, I can quickly tell when a client’s new relationship is headed for happiness or heartbreak. I’ve seen great matches move more quickly than one would reasonably expect and be successful, and I’ve seen questionable relationships languish for far too long before ending in disaster.

Here are 5 things I can share about why breaking up can be such a difficult choice to make.

1. A lot depends on the age of the person- such as youth.

   When we are young, we may not have a good sense of self. We don’t have much experience with love relationships and breakups. We fall heavily into love and our emotions run strong. So when we break up in our fragile 20s, it hits us harder.

   When one of my client’s son’s girlfriends broke up with him, he was devastated. He thought she was the one. It turns out she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship or further commitment. He didn’t have the perspective to see that this may have been for the best for both of them at this stage of their life. In time he will move on and meet someone who wants what he wants. They will be more in sync.

2. Men and women may have different life/relationship goals.

   For a woman in her mid to late thirties and early forties, a breakup can hit hard. I had a client who came to me after a horrible breakup. She had been dating a guy for two years and was expecting a marriage proposal.

   Instead, the boyfriend broke up with her. Her dream of a happily ever after was crushed. She really wanted a family and she felt as though her time was running out. I think breaking up is very hard for women in this age group, especially if they are hoping to build a family.

   And while time seems to be more on their side, many men also have dreams of marriage and family. When it doesn’t work out, their dreams are dashed, as well.

   My client Harvey was dating in his late 40s and wanted to get married and have a family. He kept meeting women who either were happy with their lives as is, didn’t want children, or didn’t want to relocate for a relationship.  Finally, he met a single Mom with college-aged daughters. They clicked and he’s now delighted to be a part of a family and have his stepdaughters. 

3. Breaking up can be harder depending on the length of the relationship.

   The longer you’re invested in a relationship, the harder it is to imagine being without that person. That person has been an integral part of your life and then they’re not there. It can leave a big hole in your life, especially if you are more introverted or you only have a small circle of friends.

   Many times my clients are dating someone that they like and something is not clicking. It can be timing, or something just doesn’t feel right. One of my divorced male clients in his 40s was dating a woman that he was attracted to. However, he realized that he was making all the effort, and there wasn’t as much reciprocation in communication as he was hoping for. She wasn’t as available for dates as he’d like. Then, he ran into a woman at a social event that he met before. They really hit it off. She was just as involved in the relationship as he was. He really liked that attention. So they both seemed to be on the same page and last I heard, they were dating exclusively.

4. Who is initiating the breakup?

   The person breaking up is usually contemplating it way in advance and planning how they want to do it. And the person who it’s sprung upon, may not see it coming. It may be a complete shock. And it may take time for the fact that the relationship is over and how to deal with it. It seems as though it’s very hard for the person who is left.

5. A couple’s breakup affects other people too.

   It may weigh upon the kids, the couples’ parents, siblings, other family members, and friends. It may be a big loss for them too if there was a close relationship. These people’s feelings do matter, but ultimately, the decision to stay or go has to be based on what’s best for the couple (and the immediate family if there are children in the picture.)

While breaking up may at first seem like a failure in the search for lasting love, in the long run, it is usually for the best. 

They say that time heals all wounds, yet time is not always on your side. Sometimes instead of wasting time in a relationship that is just okay you may have to end it so that you can be one step closer to finding Mr./Mrs. Right.

Much like the young man who was devastated by his girlfriend ending things, or my 40-something divorced client, the end of a relationship with little future opens up the possibility of finding true and companionable love that will last.  Relationship coaching can help with that!

If you are still struggling with finding true love, Relationship Coaching may be the answer to help you move forward more quickly. My Motivated to Marry Coaching program is designed to help you better understand yourself, what you truly want and need in and partner, and how to better navigate dating and relationship building to find the one who wants the same. Reach out, I’d love to help you find your last new relationship.

Still unsure if you’re ready for lasting love? Take my FREE “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate” Quiz and find out! Go to https://motivatedtomarry.lpages.co/take-the-mtm-quiz/ today!