You say you want to find lasting love, yet you find yourself not dating; not getting out there and searching for that special someone. Maybe it’s been months or even years since you’ve gone on a real date. Maybe you just haven’t taken the search seriously. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many singles who genuinely want a relationship struggle to take the necessary steps to start dating again. 

So what obstacles are actually holding you back? In my experience, I’ve seen it boil down to five main reasons why people who are looking for love avoid dating. More importantly, I’ve got answers on how to break through these barriers so you can finally move forward to accomplishing your goal of finding a long-term, committed relationship.

Here are 5 of the most common reasons singles are not dating, even though they long for lasting love.

1. Fear

   Many don’t even realize how much fear has been holding them back. For some, they are afraid of choosing the wrong person, wasting their time in the wrong relationship, only to find out it is not going to work. Fear can paralyze someone from taking any proactive steps forward.

   Fear can also come from past rejections, being generally scared of love, or even a fear of vulnerability. You might worry that if you open your heart, you’ll just get hurt again. But the reality is, avoiding dating because of fear won’t protect you—it will only keep you stuck. A relationship can’t flourish if you never take that first step. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, reframe your mindset to focus on what could go right.

2. Not Making Time

   Are you too busy for a relationship? I’ve worked with quite a few clients who say they want a relationship; however, they leave little time for dating. Everything else takes priority: work, friends, errands, working out, social activities, and family obligations. Dating is at the bottom of the “to-do” list. Most people who desire a relationship don’t want to be pigeonholed into Sunday afternoon at 3 pm for an hour date. They want to see that you have time for a relationship. Just like anything worthwhile, finding a great partner requires an intentional commitment of time and energy.

   Additionally, look at how you structure your social calendar. Are you saying “yes” to everything except opportunities to meet potential love interests? Making dating a priority doesn’t mean eliminating your current activities—it means being strategic about where and how you invest your time. Try integrating dating into your lifestyle by attending events, joining groups, or exploring social hobbies where you can meet like-minded singles.

3. You’re Not In Your Best Place In Life

   If you could only get your dream job or that promotion, then you would feel like you can put your energy into meeting Ms. Right. Or if you could lose those last 20 lbs, then you would feel better about yourself and be ready for dates. Perhaps you have kids, and you are waiting to date when your kids are out of the house and launched. Are you planning to retire and want to wait until you’re not working anymore?

   Waiting for the “perfect time” to start dating can keep you single indefinitely. Life will always have challenges, and personal growth is a lifelong process. Instead of putting off dating until everything feels ideal, start where you are. The right person will love you in good times and bad and will appreciate that you are being proactive about improving your life. We are all works in progress! The right partner will embrace the total package. and support you through your ups and downs.

4. Low Self-Esteem

   You don’t think anyone would want to be with you, so why bother? You don’t think you can measure up to the competition, so you don’t even try. And your thoughts are, “Who would want me?”. 

   But here’s the truth: confidence isn’t about being the most attractive or accomplished person in the room—it’s about owning who you are. Instead of comparing yourself to others, shift your mindset to acknowledge what makes you a great partner. Everyone deserves to be loved, and so do you.

   Consider investing in self-improvement activities that boost confidence, such as therapy, personal development workshops, or even stepping outside your comfort zone in small ways. Embrace what makes you unique. The more you recognize your value, the more you will naturally attract people who appreciate you for who you are.

5. Worrying That The Past Will Repeat Itself

   Maybe you’ve had some bad relationships in the past or have been hurt by a previous love. Have you fallen into the assumption that you are destined to get hurt again? That you can’t trust anyone romantically, so you’ve stopped dating seriously or even altogether? 

   Past heartbreak can create an emotional obstacle, making it hard to open up again. But carrying that baggage from a previous relationship only reinforces those negative beliefs. Healing takes time, but it also requires action. Having a life filled with love and intimacy is worth the work it may take to overcome the hurt from a previous heartbreak.

Recognizing why you’re not dating is the first step, but awareness alone won’t change your situation. The good news? Each of these obstacles can be overcome with the right mindset and intentional action.

1. Recognize what is holding you back from getting out and dating.

   Acknowledging your roadblocks is the first step to making significant, necessary changes in your life. Now take a look at those obstacles and ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation and make it possible to move forward with my dating and relationship goals?”

2. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be in this same place next year this time?”

   There is never a better time than right now to start over. Are you willing to make the changes in your life so that a loving partner can connect with you? The longer you wait, the further out you are pushing your happiness.

3. Surround yourself with people who support your dating goals.

   If your friends or family are negative about dating, it may be time to expand your circle to include those who encourage and uplift you. A strong support system makes a significant difference in maintaining motivation and confidence in your dating journey.

4. Seek the help of a professional.

   A therapist, counselor, or life/relationship coach can help you work through your obstacles. From helping you understand why you’re not dating to guiding you as you set up a plan, or from brainstorming creative ways to meet people to providing you with accountability and support, having someone outside yourself can be an invaluable resource. 

5. Take small but consistent steps.

   Dating success doesn’t happen overnight. Commit to one action a week that moves you forward—whether it’s signing up for a dating app, attending an event, or initiating a conversation with someone new. Small, steady progress will help you gain momentum.

Remember, dating is a process. The more you look to the future and put yourself out there, the clearer you’ll become on what you need in a partner. By taking intentional steps to overcome your roadblocks, you’ll move past feeling stuck and start meeting quality people for a lasting relationship. The love you want is possible—you just have to take the first step.

How do you even know if you’re ready for lasting love? To discover your readiness for love, take my FREE “Are You Ready to Meet Your Mate” Quiz and find out! Go to https://motivatedtomarry.lpages.co/take-the-mtm-quiz/ today!