Most people wait until they think their situation is hopeless before they search for help and find me as a love and relationship coach. When I explain the skills it takes to rescue their relationship, they begin to relax...but many still worry they may not be able to learn these five steps fast enough to save their marriage. The good news is that it can be done! 

Most important for you is to focus right now on how to turn your relationship around. The transformation of your marriage from done to “rewon” will be much easier and faster if you learn these skills before your partner leaves home. Please consider learning these steps now, before you need me as a certified mediator instead of a love and relationship coach.

5 Steps to Rescue a Dying Marriage

1. Rebuild trust

The first skill you need to learn is self-soothing, so you stop the common habit of complaining and bickering and make your home the haven it needs to be today. Your partner needs to remember why you married, so Stage 1 includes eliminating all disastrous behaviors. This allows your partner to walk through the front door expecting and enjoying a peaceful evening with you, which, for most people, is the entry point to love or to love again.

If you feel so triggered you can’t get to peace, please learn my #1 Self-soothing tool, Brain-breathing today. This 5-minute video and 3-minute practice will change everything for you if you practice this every day until it becomes your go-to response to stress.

2. Giving empathy to your partner before saying what you want

The second biggest error people make when they don’t want a divorce is believing that telling their partner what they need to do differently will be successful. If you and your partner are fighting or in a Cold War, you don’t have any leverage to make demands.

This is the Reconciliation Phase, and you need to become your most caring self and provide the empathy, compassion, and affection your partner needs as often as your partner needs it. That is the only way to move from this phase to a second Honeymoon.

Empathetic Listening means putting yourself in your partner’s head and doing your best to understand their feelings, as shown by research published in the International Journal of Listening. If you believe you love this person, now is not the time to be up in your head judging.

Emotional recognition requires you to acknowledge when a “message sent” by your spouse is a “message received” by you. So many partners complain they aren’t sufficiently heard or seen, and this is your opportunity to do both.

If you find listening to your partner without jumping in with your own opinions to be an agonizing experience, this is another time to use Brain-breathing. If, day after day, you dislike what you are hearing, it is time to ask if this is truly the right partner for the rest of your life. One of the big complaints from empty nesters is you’re together all the time and will also require a lot of listening.

Nonverbal Communication is a key aspect of empathy because our body language telegraphs how we feel. It may be tempting to roll your eyes in disgust or interrupt, yet these two habits cause so many divorces they aren’t worth it. A Mona Lisa smile and a loving gaze, on the other hand, help reconnection, and from that moment, love can grow.

3. Find sweet self-expression to always pay attention to your partner’s needs, not just your own

Compassionate responses are the most valuable of all empathetic responses because words have so much power.

Ask what your partner is feeling and needing. Is your partner feeling:

• Some version of scared: worried, concerned, nervous, anxious

• Some version of angry: upset, frustrated, furious, outraged

• Some version of sad: disappointed, hopeless, heartbroken

Once you clarify which of these feelings is closest, ask yourself, “What need isn’t being met that is the cause of my partner’s feelings?”

A study by Bodenmann, G. helps us understand how affection, appreciation, closeness, understanding, support, financial independence, and respect are some of the key needs that can trigger divorce unless you offer your partner empathy and work together to solve the issues.

Empathy example: Here is how to speak empathy, being sure to leave space for your partner to reply so you don’t look as if you’re waiting impatiently to chime in with your own opinion:

You can say: “Honey, I’m guessing that you’re feeling sad because things are stressful at work, right?”

Your partner replies, “Yes, I’m so sick and tired of the way my boss treats me!”

You say: “I hear you. You feel disappointed because you deserve respect, right?”

Your partner says, “Exactly!”

That is the shift you’re looking for because it happens when someone feels heard. You may hear a lot more words, and you may need to provide a lot more empathy, guessing your partner’s feeling and a need and another feeling and a need.

4. Captivate your partner with a renewed passion that’s more exciting than before

Turning your thermostat and your magnetism way, way up is one essential key to the wind up to a second honeymoon or a lifelong love affair.

The Maturitas Journal published research suggesting that for post-menopausal women, checking their hormone levels and considering safe options like bio-identical hormones can be the biggest game-changer because it gets you back in the game.

For men who have female partners who have lapsed into the sexual Ice Age, what are you learning to captivate her? Whether it’s flirtation, sex drive enhancements, or frank and compassionate communication, most men have no idea how to motivate and inspire their partners to sexual thrills.

Please remember if you don’t take effective action in this category, there is a huge probability your spouse will find someone else, even if it’s just a friend with benefits or a so-called emotional affair.

For the MOST IMPORTANT STEP which is about creating a magical “sexperience” including the best SEX of your LIFE please read the entire article at my blog

https://www.yourtango.com/sex/resuscitate-dying-marriage

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