Welcome to September and Labor Day Weekend. I don't know what your holiday plans are but I'm going to stock up on toilet paper. For some reason the resurgence of COVID-19 has put us into TP panic mode again. There are shortages of toilet paper again and I do not know why. This virus does not make you poop. It does a lot of nasty things but Constant Poop Syndrome, is not one of them. 

    Plus, between the fever, headache, shortness of breath, and nausea that COVID brings, who has the time to poop? You don't need more toilet paper. Save your money and go get vaccinated….right after you enjoy this week's Friday Funnies.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY?

    I understand most things, but occasionally an idea will just jump to the front of the stupid line. Such is the case of the Milk Crate Challenge. The concept is to stack plastic milk crates to form a pyramid of six steps up and six steps down. When you reach the apex, you are about ten feet off the ground and standing atop a very shaky tower. This is when the fun happens. 

    The person on top will most likely fall and injure themselves, but occasionally, the climber will make it up and down the tower without falling. This person is known as the king of the stupid.

    The current king said that he will increase the challenge by climbing the milk crates, while eating a Tide pod, and piercing his own nose at the same time. Long live the King…although that is unlikely.

"CALL FOR BEN DOVER"

    If you have ever watched the Simpsons, you know that Bart has a running gag where he calls Moe's Tavern and asks for different people. He would ask for Seymour Butts or Hugh Jass. In Henrico County, Virginia, that prank was pulled on the local school board.

    At a recent school board meeting, a list of names submitted for public comment was read aloud by board member Roscoe D. Cooper III. He read the list of people, who were to be given a chance to speak. If they didn't respond, he went on to the next name on the list. He then read them all (I saw the video) including the names of Phil McCracken, Eileen Dover, Suk Mahdik, Ophelia McCaulk, Wayne Kerr, and Don Kedick. The man never laughed or even cracked a smile. 

    I've seen this guy before. He was in the front row center at my last show.

STRANGE BUT SADLY TRUE

    An amazing record was set this week by eight Ukrainian strongmen. The body builders tied ropes to a fully loaded Soviet-made cargo plane weighing 628,300 pounds, and pulled it 14 feet in a minute and 14 seconds. It was declared a record by Ukraine's national record book, and, of course, they plan on submitting the feat to Guinness. 

    Once again I must ask, what good is this skill? Is it being practiced in case a plane gets stuck in the mud? Or maybe the goal is to get the plane going fast enough down the runway so the pilot can pop the clutch and start it. In any event, I wish the strongmen the best of luck at their next carnival or fair.