When I think of the word culture, I think of the culture of an organization, such as a corporate workplace. But when I hear someone say MY culture, I think of the culture one was brought up in.

I just finished reading “Breaking Vases: Shattering Limitations & Daring to Thrive,” the compelling story of my speaker friend and colleague, Dima Ghawi, who grew up in Amman, Jordan in a conservative Christian community.

She was taught to be quiet and subservient, especially to men. As a child her grandmother taught her that a woman’s responsibility was to preserve her image, as fragile as a glass vase, and the honor of her family’s reputation depended on it.

I could not put this book down. I had heard of stories like this from movies and books, but I had never met anyone who actually grew up in this type of culture.

So when I think of workplace culture, I have to acknowledge that our wide variety of personal cultures has a huge impact on the way we think, feel, and act at work.

This can come up in so many ways, such as in the case of setting boundaries. A woman from Dima’s culture would never stand up to a boss, especially a male figure, and say, “No, I cannot do this project, I simply do not have the bandwidth.” What I would be asking from someone like that would be to go against everything she has been taught about the way to treat her elders.

On the other hand, how is one to survive in the American workplace if they don’t learn how to push back when they are overloaded with work? And furthermore, how is a person like this to survive when they are promoted to management?

As I reported in my last newsletter, I conducted a Banish Burnout roundtable at the Toastmasters District 101 Leadership Institute, at which a manager, originally from India shared that she was never allowed to say no to anyone in her family, especially her parents. So how could she learn to say no at work? I was raised the same way.

It took me and her many years to learn that not every request should be honored. Often there is someone else who can satisfy the request. We decided that no is a complete sentence and that when someone says, “Sorry I can’t help you,” that is exactly what they mean.

What about at work? Learning to say no takes skill and practice. It starts with baby steps. When someone comes to me now, and I know there are other people who are available to handle a request, I simply say, “I’m sorry, I do not have the bandwidth.”

However, if this is your direct boss, then you might try saying, “I’ll be happy to take care of this, but first we need to review all of my responsibilities, so I can get everything done by the time you need it.”

We will be discussing culture, setting boundaries, and more at my upcoming Free Banish Burnout Roundtable on September 13th.

Register here: https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJAvdOGrqz4qHtNUjsHWCyzdaTl9cXURPOfj#/registration