Bookpleasures.com welcomes as our guest, Dr. Loren A. Olson, author No More Neckties: AMemoir In Essays and Finally Out: Letting Go of LivingStraight.

Dr. Olson is aDistinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Heis a physician for over 50 years and served as a flight surgeon inthe US Navy. 

Norm: Good day Dr.Olson and thanks for taking part in our interview.

Thanks for inviting me,Norm.

Norm: How did you getstarted in writing? What keeps you going?

Dr. Olson: I’d alwayswritten small pieces, but in the last several years I approachedwriting as a craft I wanted to develop. I find great joy in searchingfor the right words, putting them together rhythmically, and knowingthey convey the meaning I intended. I used to say I’m apsychiatrist who likes to write or a gay man who writes, but now Ithink of myself as an author, a psychiatrist, and a gay father.

Norm: What has beenyour greatest challenge that you’ve overcome in getting to whereyou’re at today? 

Dr. Olson: With my firstbook, Finally Out, I questioned how an unknown author whowrote a book for a hidden population of closeted, middle aged gay mencould be successful.

People continue todiscover it through word of mouth, but it was a slow process. I’vewritten NO MORE NECKTIES for a broader audience, and I nowhave a larger platform, but getting this book into the hands of theright audience still presents challenges.

Norm: What inspiresyou? 

Dr. Olson: What inspiresme is the opportunity to offer others hope when they feel there isn’tany. I write about the hard stuff in our lives because gettingthrough the pain builds confidence that one can do it again whenneeded. And being human means our lives are filled with hard stuff.

Norm: What has been thebest part about being published? 

Dr. Olson: The best parthas been hearing the stories from people all over the world who havebeen deeply touched by something I’ve written. These connectionsproduce the greatest rewards for a writer. These people have enrichedmy life in ways I never could have imagined.

Norm: What motivatedyou to write No More Neckties and how did you decideyou were ready to write the book? 

Dr. Olson: Early in theCOVID pandemic, my husband and I went into a self-imposed quarantinebecause we were fearful of dying alone in a hospital surrounded onlyby people in hazmat-like suits.

To deal with my anxiety, Ibegan to write essays about my life. I had written some of the mostpersonal stories several years ago, but I needed more time to healbefore I was ready to publish them.

One day I realized I hadwritten enough for another book.

Norm: Why did youentitled your book No More Neckties?

Dr. Olson: The first working titlewas Fitting in Is Not Belonging, but it felt too limiting andtoo pop psychology.

When I turned sixty, timebegan to feel more urgent. I promised myself: No more cocktailparties to network with people I didn’t like; no more boringlectures; and I would never wear a necktie again.

No More Necktiescaptured the one main message of the book: I will throw off others’expectations of how I should live.

Norm: What is the mostimportant thing that people don't know about the subject of the book,that they need to know? 

Dr. Olson: When we livefor others’ approval, we lose control over our lives. Approval islike an addiction. We take a hit and then go into withdrawal. Then weneed another hit. The number of “likes” we receive on socialmedia does not determine our worth as a human being.

Norm: What do you hopewill be the everlasting thoughts for readers who finish your book? Asa follow up, what were your goals and intentions in this book, andhow well do you feel you achieved them? 

Dr. Olson: Whenever wemeet challenging decisions, we have only three choices: Fix it, putup with it, or get out. That’s it, three choices.

If things can’t befixed, you either must put up with it or get out. Sometimes it’snecessary to upend our lives.

My goal was to tell peoplethat when we do that the losses are less and the rewards are greaterthan we imagine. I believe I succeeded by asking the reader to pauseand consider whether they are living the life they were always meantto live.

Norm: What was the mostdifficult part of writing this book and what did you enjoy most aboutwriting this book? 

Dr. Olson: Telling mystory inevitably touches on the stories of people I love who may notwant their stories told. I did not want to hurt them.

Writing about anexperience tapped into fragmented memories of people and places thatI’d long forgotten. Looking through those memories like an oldfamily album was sometimes painful, but always delightful.

Norm: Did you learnanything from writing your book and what was it? 

Dr. Olson:  Ireceived this comment from one of my early reviewers: “Grab a cupof coffee and a slice of banana bread for what feels more like aconversation with an old friend than a book.”

When I write, I picturemyself as if I am speaking with an imaginary friend. I learned thatwriting in this conversational style makes my writing accessible andallows the reader to know me as I am.

Norm: What challengesor obstacles did you encounter while writing your book? How did youovercome these challenges? 

Dr. Olson: Over-thinkingwhat the finished product will look like blocks us from beginning towrite.

I write the first draftquickly--without editing or censoring—to capture the emotionsbefore I try to understand them.

Then I begin the detailedand time-consuming process of analyzing and editing which uses a verydifferent part of the brain. But I get impatient to finish it.

Norm: Where can ourreaders find out more about you and No More Neckties?

Dr. Olson: This questionmakes me smile. After I published Finally Out, one of mypatients said, “Dr. Olson, I read your book. You told us a lot morethan you needed to.” Now, with No More Neckties, yourreaders will know even more about me.

For those who still wantmore, they can go to my WEBSITE,  where they willfind an excerpt of the book, my “Ask the Doc” blog, mynewsletter, and links to my social media accounts. I also respond toall personal contacts.

Norm: Are you workingon any books/projects that you would like to share with us? (We wouldlove to hear all about them!) 

Dr. Olson: I havepracticed psychiatry for almost fifty years, and I have written anearly first draft of a memoir about those experiences. I’ve put iton hold as I prepare to launch No More Neckties. I hope Idon’t have to wait for another pandemic to finish it.

Norm: As this interviewcomes to an end, if you could invite three authors (dead or alive) toyour dinner table, who would they be and what would you ask them?

Dr. Olson: If I had threeauthors I admire coming to dinner, I would probably be too awe-struckto speak. David Sedaris would be on the list because I love to laugh.James Baldwin would be there to challenge us to dig deeper into oursouls. Finally, Garth Greenwell, to lacerate and liberate anydiscussion of our sexual selves.

Norm: Thank you so muchfor taking the time to answer my questions. It's been an absolutepleasure to meet with you and read your work. Good luck with NoMore Neckties.

Dr.Olson: Thank you for giving me this opportunity.

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