Happy holiday weekend. It probably started for you yesterday, but the rest of us are starting right now. We have the next three days to rest, relax, and celebrate our independence. The stupid among us will celebrate not having as many fingers to worry about because they had fireworks. 

    In 1776, the founding fathers got together to sign the Declaration of Independence, however no mention is made of the founding mothers. These are the people we should celebrate on July Fourth. Without founding mothers this country would have quickly run out of people. They are the ones who had the children for America's future while their husbands were off wearing wigs, smoking pipes, and in Benjamin Franklin's case, chasing skirts. 

    Except for the pipe smoking, Donald Trump could have been a founding father but I think he would have considered the warning of "The British are coming" to be fake news.

    There's no fake news in the Friday Funnies, just real news examined from a slightly different point of view.

THE HUMAN SIEVE

    Michele Mancini is a 28-year-old man who currently has 70 piercings on his body including 41 piercings in his genitals alone. I'll give you a minute while you say "WTF." This guy started getting pierced when he was 15 and went on to become a professional piercer, but with that many holes in his body, he must leak every time he has a drink of water. And with 41 piercings in his genitals I would imagine that taking a wee resembles turning on a sprinkler hose. He also had his tongue split to look like a snake, so he must have tons of dates.

    I have no holes in my body other than the ones installed when I was born and I plan to stay that way because I wouldn't want to be hole-ier than thou. (rim shot)

BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP

    Diet and exercise are vital to maintain a good looking body, but in the Bodi tribe of Ethiopia beauty takes a different turn. The Bodi's celebrate fat men and every year have a fest to find the man with the biggest belly. This guy receives the title of hero of the tribe and becomes a catch for the local women who want to marry a fat man.          To pump up their big bellies before the contest, men consume only high fat cow's milk along with cow's blood, although from what I have seen in Wisconsin bars, beer and cheese curds will have the same effect. 

SUNBATHING DOWN UNDER

    In New South Wales, Australia two men received fines for breaking COVID-19 rules. The state is under stay-at-home orders but two men aged 30 and 49 decided to spend the day sunbathing nude on a remote beach south of Sydney, clearly violating the order. But to make matters worse, they were startled by a deer and ran into the woods of Royal National Park… where deer live. To top it off, the naked knuckleheads got lost in the woods and had to be rescued by local police.

    They were fined $760 and forced to spend time at the local petting zoo, feeding deer, while naked. Tickets to the event are now on sale.