We have entered the dog days of summer. The dog days are so named because when it gets hot out, the best thing to cook is hot dogs. Hot dogs, or wieners if you prefer, are the perfect food for cooking outside so as not to heat up your kitchen. And hot dogs can be served in a variety of ways. They can be plain, loaded, and chili topped. There is actually a perfect dog for every taste. How do you like yours? I like mine with beer.

    Today is Friday the 13th, a periodical time of bad luck. Do not walk under any ladders today, and if you are an older reader, stay away from ladders at all times. Black cats are also considered bad luck today but cat fanciers object to their pets being looked upon as evil and are marching today in front of the Pet Depot with signs reading "Black Cats Matter."

    And Florida this week earned the distinction of being "America's Petri Dish." Their high Covid-19 positivity rate combined with their refusal to wear masks makes them perfect germ labs. I suggest we put a giant Bell jar over the state and let them be.

    The jar of The Friday Funnies is open and ready for you to spread around.

A NEW OLYMPIC GAME?

    Julie McCann is a 38-year-old  woman from British Columbia, Canada. She set and unofficial world record in an unofficial sport by running 100 meters..on all fours…like a horse. That's right, she runs on all fours, and if you can't picture that, there is video of her on line. It's quite the sight.

    When she was a little girl she dreamed of being a horse, so she stated running like one. She practiced through the years and wanted to beat the existing record for all-fours running held by Kenichi Ito of Japan who galloped 100 meters in 15.71 seconds.        

    Julie didn't break Kenichi's record but ran the distance in 22.29 seconds and set the record for women. Her next goal is to see how fast her dog can run on two legs.

DUMBASS OF THE WEEK

    An unnamed man in Yakima, Washington is a runaway for this week's award. As he was putting soda cans in his refrigerator, one of them exploded and he thought someone was shooting at him. So he pulled his gun from his waistband and fired several shots into the fridge. Shots were heard by the neighbors and the police were called. They found the man in the alley outside his home, with the gun on the ground, yelling incoherently.

    The man told the police that the people who live in the basement wanted to kill him so when they fired, he shot back. The only problem is that police found no people nor did they find a basement. The man was arrested and charged with an armed attack on an Amana. He has also earned our title of Dumbass of the Week.

A NAME IS A NAME

    The governor of Utah received a letter from "a very concerned citizen" that demanded he change his name because it is "foul, dirty, and obscene." The governor's name is Spencer Cox, and personally, I see nothing wrong with the name Spencer.

    He was told that he would be recalled by the people of Utah if he didn't change his filthy heinous surname. At first, the governor said that he would not change his name, but after repeated harassment he caved the pressure and changed his name to the hyphenated Cox-Ucker, in recognition of his critics.