LIFE IS AN INSIDE JOB

By Marilyn L Redmond

What is co-decency? Codependency: a psychological condition or arelationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desirefor approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling ormanipulative person (such as a person with an addiction to alcohol or drugs) broadly: dependence on theneeds of or on control by another. This is the definition for codependency inthe Merriam-Webster Dictionary. 

 What’s more, a codependent person does not recognizethe responsibility individuals have for their own behavior and for seekingchange. The other person in the realationship may be narcissist. Thedictionary   explains Narcissism, as an extremely self-centered person who has anexaggerated sense of self-importance. I found over time that these seem to gotogether in an unhealthy relationship.

 A friendsuggested I go for help and I knew I needed help I first heard the termco-dependent when I was in treatment for codependency in a hospital setting. .I had no idea what codependency was or what it meant at that time.

With threeweeks in treatment, I found answers that my behavior and thinking were notrealistic. I was without any way to be in an honest and healthy relationship.Each day I received information, .films, learned meditation, and attended a discussioncircle of other women in the same hospital program. Realizing I had a lifestyle that did not work was not new to me, but I had no way to address it. Myanswer was to try suicide out of my domestic violence marriage of alcoholism,mental illness, rage, and addictions.

Realizing Iwas emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically dependent on otherpeople, especially my parents, husband, relatives, and a few acquaintances, wasa rude awakening. This extended into my marriage even though I was trying tofind healthier surroundings. I am still finding the depths of my neediness andreliance on others many years later. However, my neediness no longerpredominates as it did in the past.

It took years later to realize my co-dependency was with a narcissist. The psychiatrist called my husband's behavior thatof a psychopath “Some people try to be tallby cutting off the heads of others.” —Paramahansa Yogananda Also gaslighting can be a major part ofthe dominant one in the relationship. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causessomeone to lose his or her sense of perception and self-worth. I found allthese labels of behavior could be combined. They combine to become a person'spersonality for survival.

Discovering I was the other side of this kind of relationshipwas alarming. He was my mirror. I never saw myself as anything but a nice,quiet wife, teacher, and mother. I had a mask to protect myself and look goodto others. .At one point I realized my husband and I were both two peas in thesame pea pod. I had a similar emotional past as he did. I understood that like attracts like. I acted out mycharacteristics passively and he acted out as the aggressor in the game ofpassive aggressive behavior. I had to change me not to attract anotherunhealthy person in my life.

With years ofrecovery, I have come into a more complex understanding of my dependence. I wasraised in a family that never grew up themselves, as their background did notprovide love, respect, or caring. There was no nurturing, fostering of myemotional life, or hugs. In my day, there was a baby-raising book that did notencourage holding or other touching; I was not held to be bottle-fed. Thebottle was propped up to feed me. The book told the parents not to pick up thechild when crying; so I was never attended to, for resolving my troubles. As Igrew into childhood, there was no talk, no trust, and no communications. I wasto do the chores; I never received a compliment, thank you, or acknowledgementof the job being done, there was just another chore. This developed into mybeing an overachiever and workaholic looking for love and recognition. I foundhis childhood was no better.

In school, Idid not make friends easily as a result of not being part of the family, I didnot know how to be a friend or in a group. I felt lonely, disserted, and theoutcast from people. Even thought I sat in the first chair for the flute in theband and orchestra, won awards for my successes as Valedictorian, and was thefirst member of the family to graduate from college. There was no recognition.My stepfather years 30 year later said, "We did not get you a collegegraduation gift, did we?" Moreover, I never did get a gift or otheracknowledgement of many achievements. I was never recognized or validated as aliving human being. 

I found myselflooking outside myself for answers that were not there at home. My teachersacknowledged my work in good grades; I hoped my parents would do the same. Incollege, I found a fellow who did acknowledge me. I had found a person who Icould talk with easily. I did not understand at the time that was because hewas just as ignored and abused in his childhood. We dated in college and wereengaged, when I realized his anger was more than I could deal with. 

However, witha baby on the way, we got married. Over time, life became more abusive as in myfamily growing up. I had brought my old self into a new circumstance thatresembled what I thought I had left. At the end, he was trying to kill me and Iwas trying suicide to get out of the miserable situations. Withoutco-dependency treatment, I would never have had any tools to leave themarriage.

Learning aboutself-esteem, self-love, and that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me was new.I could now identify the resentments, angers, guilt, and shame of the past andlet them go. I learned to let go and letGod. I now base my life in reality that I am worthy and have love within myheart.. I found the God within.

After mydivorce, over time, I learned to forgive my abusers and family. I prayed what Iwanted, abundance, health, love, and more, for those that had mistreated me.This is about giving up the past for anew day. I wanted to move into living my life on a daily basis withoutbeing triggered from the past. Praying brought a new perspective to my life. Irealized my parents had worse childhoods than I did and did the best theycould. This bought compassion. I could feel their pain. I continue to pray forthem, it keeps me humble.

I have come tounderstand my past taught me to look outside myself for the answers to life. Ilooked to religion, people who were experts, answers in books, government,education, medicine, and others; I read biographies trying to find how otherpeople lived their lives. It was not until I found a spiritual path that I  learned to mediate and listen to my heartwhere I found the real answers to life. I read in 'A Course in Miracles"that says, " Noting outside yourself can save you; nothing outsideyourself can give you peace."  

This meant Ifound that I could find my answers within when I listen to my intuition from myheart and in meditation. Instead of being a barnacle to someone to take care ofme, I can rely on my inner self, the God within, to take care of me and provideall the answers I need for each situation. Life is an inside job.

I had tochange me to become a magnet to attract a partner that I truly wanted. Withseveral years of reprogramming my thoughts, words, and actions from a fear baselife into a love based life. I did find a fellow who was healthy. With over 25years in a relationship of unconditional love, I know you can do it too.

I had dependedon the wrong answers for life. Finding the real me and knowing that I am partof the universe created in love has given me a sense of power and acceptancefor which I l always longed. There is nothing wrong with me and there neverwas. I had been looking for love in all the wrong places. Today, as a citizenof the universe, I love myself and have healed the past. I wrote my story andhow I changed myself in my book, "Paradigm Busters" at Amazon. Today,I I accept the perfect love of God and know that I am dearly loved. In my relationship,we are responsible for ourselves and share our experiences. Each day is anadventure.

Marilynis a great soul…She is one of my most successful Lightworkers and I amextremely proud of her and grateful for her contribution to our earth. She issimply the best! –With gratitude and admiration for her talent and skill.Linda Schiller-Hanna Founder, NaturalPsychic School of Metaphysics, Founder of Angel Love Healing Center, Speaker:Edgar Cayce's   A. R.E . IntuitionTrainer.

Paradigm Bustersat Amazon   https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Rev.+Marilyn+L.+Redmond&i=digital-text&crid=8MUSPYY42KU8&sprefix=rev.+marilyn+l.+redmond%2Cdigital-text%2C156&ref=nb_sb_noss

My video interview and radiointerview on Youtube are here for your enjoyment.

Video Interview: https://youtu.be/qtVR11ug0NY

Radio Interview: https://www.blogtalkradio.com/closeupradio/2024/08/02/part-4-close-up-radio-welcomes-back-marilyn-redmond-of-angelicas-gifts