Rushing to the rescue or being a “tiger mom” or “helicopter parent” has had its day, and now it’s time for another type of parenting.

Parenting styles have undergone many stylistic changes according to popular beliefs or individual cultural demands. Whether any of these styles is more appropriate for children's happy, healthy, and reassured development remains an open question.

Who dreams up these things? Call it clickbait or creativity. Whatever you choose, I tend to be cynical, and I think it is in the service of selling books or creating careers. I do not believe anyone should make a career out of addressing children's growth needs until strong empirical evidence supports that orientation. This raises concerns about Dr. Benjamin Spock's parenting books, many of which his wife wrote with scant research and no authorship acknowledgment.

Colleagues harshly criticized Spock’s beliefs for mainly depending on anecdotal evidence rather than rigorous academic investigation. Were kids damaged when their mothers followed Dr. Spock’s book for advice? We'll never know, but we believe his wife had good intentions and leave it at that.

We've had bulldozer, tiger, helicopter, jellyfish, scrunchie, Apple Watch, momfluencers, and gentle parents, to name only a few. It would seem that styles of parenting fluctuate as much as fashion. With so many opinions on good parenting, how can anyone know which approach is best for their child's future?

I used to work for a children's fashion magazine that promoted "Mothercraft," a notion prevalent in the 1930s but still being practiced some places in the world and certificates being awarded for completing courses. I never discovered the exact definition of Mothercraft, and the publication ceased mentioning it after the mid-20th century. It sounds like they were trying to make it more scientific, as so many people in the social sciences tried to make their professions more like the hard sciences.

Psychology students will recall how John Atkinson attempted to create a formula for achievement, and, of course, Freud tried to make his theory much like hard science as did Carl Jung, too. Abraham Maslow, who failed in his attempts at two professions (law and medicine), finally devised a step theory of a hierarchy of needs.

If the legends in psychological theory were trying to find a way forward in their profession, is it any wonder that parents are left wondering what to do? Parents were looking to the “authorities,” who weren’t such mavens in terms of raising healthy kids.

Western parenting styles and the dynamics between parents and children have evolved significantly over the last several decades. These days, parents are less likely to yell at their kids and more likely to spend quality time with them and concentration on communication and reasoning. For most parents, we have left behind the idea of "spare the rod and spoil the child." Corporal punishment is no effective means of raising a healthy child.

However, there is a lack of data regarding the evolution of parental ideology throughout this time. I'm beginning to sound like Data in Star Trek, and for that, I must tip my hat to Dr. Lewis Terman, an eminent psychologist with a great sense of humor. Unfortunately, he was also an advocate of eugenics and racial inferiority. His doctoral dissertation dealt with seven "bright" or "stupid" students; we may have to give him a slight pass. Since the book is no longer under copyright, you can freely download and use it as you wish. However, it should be regarded as history rather than hard science per se.

Perfecting Parenthood

Everyone who is or will become a parent must realize that raising children requires thoughtful, practical solutions that can be applied to everyday obstacles. You will make mistakes and be sorry for them, but you will also help your children understand that mistakes are a part of life.

Parenting beliefs are understudied despite their influence on parenting activities. One significant belief and a particular aspect of self-efficacy is parental self-efficacy (PSE). Parental self-efficacy (PSE) is the conviction that a parent can benefit their child’s growth and development.

Higher PSE scores correlate with less negative parenting and emphasizing children's strengths. As with other parts of parenting, parents’ views about their influence are not static but subject to change in response to internal and external influences. Different PSEs may emerge at the group level due to cultural and societal historical shifts.

Of course, cultural changes or shifts are also sensitive to the economic influences surrounding the parental group. It may not be a belief system as an anxiety-reduction system that permits more effective and humanistic behaviors toward children.

The proliferation of online communities and communication tools has unquestionably altered the role of parents and parenting styles. Between 1999 and 2014, the Internet became essential to Western society. It connects parents and exposes them to diverse parenting perspectives and may lead to the evolution of yet more styles of parenting.

A Google search for “parenting” in 2022, for instance, returned 1,850,000,000,000,000 results. One of the most common reasons parents use the internet is to research topics related to parenting. The vast majority of parents use the internet daily for this purpose. Research shows that moms’ interest in finding parenting resources begins early in the pregnancy and continues to rise during the last trimester and in the weeks following delivery.

The Internet offers assistance and knowledge on various parenting concerns, which many parents appreciate. Many new mothers don't have experienced grandmothers around to offer reality-based, real-life experience and help in childcare and parenting. Online resources can assist parents during the transition to parenting and shape their identities.

The Search for Answers

Now, the newest potential parenting style is lighthouse parenting. What are its central themes?

Explanations for lighthouse parenting are rather broad with the basic underpinning being that parents provide a stable force for the children throughout their lives, which begins to grow through adolescence. In an age of too much information, we can easily find ourselves in a quandary as experts pull us to and fro, and we are left wondering what to do.

Some experts believe that parents' incessant online searching indicates that they are feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and insecure in their roles. That may be the case, and we, as parents, are also looking for our lighthouses.

The emphasis here is to permit the child sufficient freedom to experience growth, development, and the wonder of life independently without being overly protective. Is this a new fad in parenting? Parenting responsibility and actions can‘t be fleeting, but they must have a solid foundation and individual beliefs associated with that style of parenting.

Children need most to develop a sense of self-worth and a belief that challenges can be met with reasonable resolution. All is not lost when something seems to be a failure, and it is here that parents need to contribute most with their reassurance. Independence and problem-solving are two things parents must strive to help their children develop.

We’ve also lived in a time when each child, engaged in all types of activities, was given an award for their participation. This idea has been discussed and some believe it’s a good idea and some have contrary ideas about it. Does everything we do require a reward and, if it does, can the rewards be internal rather than external and identified as some object given to us? We know that internal motivation is far superior to momentary awards that quickly lose their luster.

Recall Maslow and how he dealt with human development in terms of challenges in pursuit of self-actualization. If anyone provided an example of this, it was Maslow himself, who refused to give up and insisted upon working toward making himself better each day. He could have remained in his family's barrel-making business in New Jersey, but he pushed himself to greater heights, even in the face of what most saw as disappointments or failures. And his relationship with his mother was so contentious that he fled his Bar Mitzvah ceremony rather than honor her. We have to wonder what style of parenting she practiced.

Another example of someone who refused to give up in the face of physical disability was Dr. Milton Erickson, who, although partially paralyzed, perfected a form of hypnosis based on metaphors. Erickson’s methods would lay the groundwork for family therapy.

Dr. Alfred Adler's work focused on the impact of childhood experiences and feelings of inferiority. Adler fought his sense of inferiority (he had rickets and several accidents as a child) as he helped others in what he believed was our reason for being. Rumors also circulated that Adler had one arm shorter than the other, which may have contributed to an early sense of inferiority.

Motivation issues are prevalent in psychological disorders, and they drive behaviors that make life more enjoyable or not, depending on the issue. Parents can significantly impact children's internal motivation and overall well-being, regardless of the current style of parenting being espoused, and this is where they can accomplish the most good.

The style used to achieve that end must not be faddish, and parents need to help themselves to stop looking for the "answer" to everything in their child's life. There is no one answer for most things, and there is no one expert. Everything must be dependent on the individual situation; therein lies the challenge.