Friday, October 9, 2009

Mackensie Phillips' report that she had been incested by her father John thankfully has brought the important topic of child abuse into the news again. But Americans need to understand that 'most child abuse which occurs in families is much less dramatic and obvious, but often is no less damaging to the victim,' according to Boston psychologist and sex therapist Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D.

Child neglect and psychological abuse are two commonly occurring types of child abuse which tend to be under-acknowledged and minimized both by victims and by general society. But each of these kinds of child abuse causes serious consequences in adulthood, including depression, difficulty modulating feelings and handling stress, chronic anger or anxiety, difficulty feeling safe in one's body, and profound conflicts about trusting others to meet one's needs--which in turn often leads to drug and alcohol abuse, sexual addictions or compulsions, other addictions such as eating, shopping or gambling, and difficulty with friendships, intimate relationships and sexuality.

'If you have these kinds of ongoing symptoms, it's important to get some professional advice looking at what may be the root cause of them. There are treatments for trauma now which did not exist fifteen years ago,' says Zoldbrod.

It is painful to recognize that you have been deeply and consistently hurt by your parents, the very people who were supposed to love and care for you. That is why most adults abused as children tend to deny or minimize what happened to them. 'Most survivors of child abuse believe that the only 'real' kind of child abuse is overt, extreme abuse such as incest or vicious, visually-obvious physical abuse which left scars and bruises,' says Dr. Zoldbrod.

Statistically, other types of child abuse are much more common than incest, but they are subtle as opposed to vivid and thus, much less easy to sensationalize in the media or to process in one's mind. Child neglect, for instance, is defined as an act of omission rather than commission. It is difficult to be in touch with the pain of being ignored and not cared for. The lack of day to day loving events is much harder to grasp than the occurrence of a single vivid, brutal event. Each of us has only grown up in one household, and each of us has only lived in our own body. It's natural to think that what happened to you is normal. Types of neglect include physical neglect, emotional neglect (also thought of as emotional unavailability), and medical and mental health neglect. Neglect is the most commonly reported kind of child abuse and often occurs in conjunction with other kinds of childhood abuse.

Dr. Aline Zoldbrod is the author of three books on relationships and sexuality, including the award winning SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It. She has a national and international reputation as a sex therapist and expert in human development. She works with individuals and couples in the Boston area.