When you’re getting to know someone new, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and overlook subtle warning signs. But being aware and looking for those red flags while dating early on can save you from a lot of heartache later. 

Obviously, you are paying attention to how they treat you, but how much attention are you paying to how your date treats others in everyday occurrences?  

It’s easy for someone to fake sincerity and kindness early on in a relationship, to put their best foot forward during their interactions with you as they try to impress. But it’s a lot harder to keep up with appearances in every aspect of their life and you can learn a lot about a person by studying how they speak about and treat others! Because how they treat others is a direct reflection of how they’ll eventually treat you. So, while it’s tempting to brush off poor behavior, being mindful of these signs is crucial to finding lasting love.

Here are 7 situations to keep an eye out for:

1. How does your date treat the wait staff at the restaurant at which you are dining?

   Is he respectful, considerate, and understanding of that person?  Or is he demanding, impatient, and snappy?  Yes, everyone has had a bad day once in a while; however, he really should not take it out on others who are serving you.

   This might seem like a small thing, but it speaks volumes. If your date can’t muster up kindness to someone just doing their job, how will they treat you when things aren’t going well? If someone is polite, uses “please” and “thank you,” and acknowledges people with eye contact and respect, that’s a good sign. On the other hand, snapping at staff or making dismissive remarks is a clear red flag in dating. How someone handles moments of frustration says a lot about their character.

2. How does she treat her family members?

   Does she have a good relationship with her parents, brothers, and sisters? Does she make an effort to keep in touch? Yes, I know there are understandable exceptions for why someone would not be involved with a family member- and you will have to ascertain whether he or she has a valid beef with that family member. But how someone speaks about and interacts with family is important. 

   If your date constantly criticizes or speaks negatively about close family members without taking any responsibility for their own part in conflicts, that could be a red flag. You don’t need a perfect family dynamic, but respect and compassion are key. Someone who demonstrates patience with difficult family situations usually brings that same patience into romantic relationships.

3. How does he talk about his exes?

   Of course, you are curious about your date’s past relationships, and it’s perfectly normal to discuss previous relationships, but how they talk about their exes can reveal a lot about their emotional maturity. 

   Does he blame breakups entirely on his ex and take no responsibility for any any part of it? Does she describe all her ex-partners as “crazy” or “toxic”?  Do they have a lot to say about the exes’ family or friends? These are huge red flags! Run right away! 

   Healthy people reflect on past relationships with accountability and empathy, even if things didn’t end well. A balanced perspective—something like, “We weren’t compatible” or “I learned a lot from that experience”—shows maturity. But refusal to acknowledge their role in past relationship dynamics is a definite red flag. If things don’t work out between you two, how do you think you would be spoken about?

4. Does she make sarcastic, cutting comments about other people?

   Sarcasm is a form of humor, but it is also a way to put someone else down to make yourself feel superior. Constant criticism or put-downs is a red flag that if you get on the wrong side of this person, you will be their next target!

   Light teasing can be playful, but there’s a line between joking and being mean-spirited. If your date frequently uses sarcasm to belittle others or seems to enjoy putting people down, pay attention! This behavior may eventually be directed at you. Red flags in dating aren’t always obvious, but if you feel uneasy after their comments, trust that feeling. A kind-hearted person uplifts others instead of making them the butt of a joke. 

   Remember, if someone gossips about others, it’s only a matter of time before you’re on the receiving end.

5. Does he buy the best of everything for himself (technology, cars, vacations, homes) and is very stingy when it comes to gifts for others?

   Does he seem to have a sense of entitlement for himself and think others (including you) can do with second best or should “carry their own weight”?

   Generosity isn’t just about spending money—it’s about thoughtfulness. If your date goes all out for themselves but hesitates to do something thoughtful for you, that’s worth noting. 

   Someone who values you will show it through considerate actions, whether that’s remembering your favorite coffee or planning something special for your birthday. A partner who only prioritizes their own needs is waving a bright red flag. In healthy relationships, there needs to be a balance of giving and receiving.

6. How do they handle disagreements or differing opinions?

   Pay attention to how your date reacts when you, or others, disagree with them. Does your opinion pique their interest? Do they listen and try to understand your perspective? Or do they get defensive and dismiss your feelings, taking your disagreement as criticism or an attack? 

   Healthy communication is the backbone of lasting love. If someone can’t handle differing opinions without resorting to anger, sarcasm, or stonewalling, then that’s a significant red flag. Disagreements are normal, but how they’re handled makes all the difference. And how well the two of you work out differences is a make-it-or-break-it skill in relationships.

7. How do they talk about their friends?

   Notice how your date describes their friendships. Do they have long-term friendships that show loyalty and trust? Or do they speak about friends in a transactional way, only mentioning people when they need something or want to brag about their social status? 

   Someone who values their friends—and treats them with respect—is likely to bring that same quality into a romantic relationship. A person who cycles through friendships or constantly complains about friends may struggle with maintaining healthy connections. And if your date drops friends as fast as they make them, you’ve got a huge red flag.
   

If you keep an eye on these things when you’re dating someone new, you should be able to spot questionable behaviors and red flags more easily.

It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship, but being aware of how your date treats others is essential for your emotional well-being. Ignoring these signs could lead to heartache or even toxic dynamics later on.

If you’re like most of my clients, you’re looking for understanding, considerate, respectful, caring, and generous people to date. I believe that you do deserve to have a person in your life who offers you those qualities at the very least. Spotting red flags in dating early on empowers you to make choices that align with your values and protect your heart. 

Stay vigilant, trust your gut, and remember: lasting love is built on a foundation of mutual respect, shared values, and genuine care.