Rephrase for better communication results. Making a few small adjustments in how we phrase things can increase our chances of getting collaboration and connection.

Years ago, I arrived on-site to deliver a keynote for a corporate event. Surprisingly, it was my second year in a row speaking to this group. Typically, organizations bring in a different speaker each year, so I rarely get direct feedback on how participants apply my message in the real world after the event.

Just before I took the stage, a man approached me and shared something that stunned me—in a good way. The previous year, he and his wife had been on the brink of divorce. But after hearing my communication keynote, he went home and started rephrasing how he spoke to her. His “You never” and “You better” became “I need your help” and “I would appreciate…”—and the shift was seismic. They were still together, and their relationship was on the mend.

At the time, I had begun to wonder if the small adjustments I suggested in my presentations really made a difference. In a world filled with big theories and thought leaders, could something as simple as a rephrase truly have an impact? Then, I received this rare and powerful feedback—proof that small shifts in language can create life-changing results.

I was reminded that the power of the rephrase is real. And we’ve all been in situations where adjusting how we say something could lead to a more positive response. Whether at work or at home, getting along with others can sometimes feel like a communication conundrum.

While there are no guarantees, making a few small adjustments in how we phrase things can increase our chances of getting cooperation and connection. Here are a few ways to shift from blaming and demanding to requesting and seeking to understand. Most importantly, these rephrases communicate respect for the other person.

DO SAY: “I need your help.”
DON’T SAY: “You never help.”
(Extremes like “never” and “always” come across as blaming. Plus, using “I” takes responsibility, while “You” can feel accusatory.)

DO SAY: “Let’s work together to…”
DON’T SAY: “You better.”
(This sounds like a demand and is likely to trigger resistance.)

DO SAY: “I need you to…”
DON’T SAY: “You need to…”
(Framing it as your need, rather than theirs, makes it more collaborative and less likely to cause pushback.)

Wishing you success as you rephrase for better communication results!

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