The Super Bowl was a Super Bust. And here’s why:

• The Eagles were dominant. The Chiefs were unable to protect their quarterback, Kelce was a “no show,” and a four-man rush by the Eagles knocked the Chiefs’ offensive line down like bowling pins. The Eagles “rolled” a 300 game.
• Let’s end the pretension that Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes and Steve Spagnuolo are the equivalents of Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, and Matt Patricia. They’re good, but not of that kind of consistent, star caliber. Brady came back from a 25-point deficit to beat Atlanta in overtime in a Super Bowl. Every Patriot player said they knew they’d win. The Chiefs simply gave up.
• Kelce has had a great career, but it’s apparently over. He was a “no show,” and Gronkowski was a more brutal runner and far better blocker at tight end. Kelce missed a block last night and Mahomes was nearly killed.
• The advertising was moronic. Flying mustaches, flying tongues, a seal with Seal’s face? Where is FedEx when you need them? The Clydesdale horse was cute, but the premise was idiotic.
• The halftime with Kendrick Lamar reminded me of The Emperor Has No Clothes. Unless you’ve memorized his rap, his lines were unintelligible, the field was filled with robotic dancers, and his pettiness at constantly attacking a rival rapper, Drake, just isn’t interesting or important.

I feel better now, having eaten too much and spent too many hours watching hype, stupid interviews, and a lousy game. And someone please tell all these family interviewers, “How did that feel?” is not a very strong journalistic question. “Well, winning is very existential, and my feelings swirled like petals eddying in a stream….”