In too many divorce cases, the couple's inability to make peace with each other can threaten the survival of their pets. TMZ reported that Sylvester Stallone wanted a new dog a Rottweiler named Dwight to protect their family but wife, Jennifer Flavin did not want another dog. Flavin filed for divorce after a huge argument over the dog. Stallone's other dog, Butkus, the bullmastiff from "Rocky" films may have also triggered marital problems after Stallone covered a large tattoo of his wife's face with Butkus's picture. No matter how many $millions the Stallone family may possess, pets like children need peace and stability. YOU can save your own pets with these 5 Steps.
In 1998 my dog and I fled from my California home after my husband's prescription steroids created "roid rage" and he pointed a loaded shot gun at me. I put together a cadre to support our flight and a legal team to ensure that my dog and I were safe. Within a few months I created a company, The Marriage Forum, Inc. and The Divorce Forum® to support others to create peaceful no-court divorce and create the best outside-the-box solutions for themself, their children and their pets. As a certified Mediator, offering unique Heartspace® skills, I finesse to learn what is truly important to each partner and can see which spouse is dedicated to the pets and children. Children and pets are vulnerable family members; they can't be ping-ponged and thrive; they need stability and peace to be healthy.
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Complimentary consultation to save your pet, your marriage and your LIFE! susan@susanallan.org
In my own case, at the emergency hearing during which my husband demanded the return of his shotgun and the dog, in that order, the judge said that since Max was a 13-year-old dog; that he wouldn't live that long and my husband should drop it and no, he would not be awarded the shotgun! However, during my path to divorce, which was rocky due to my husband's rage, I stood firm that my dog was staying with me even though he had been my husband's dog for 9 years before our marriage! Sorrell Trope, the Father of California Divorce Law, and my 3rd divorce attorney said to me and Mark Patt Esq. "You've heard the 12 worst divorce cases; this is 12 1/2; she got the dog!"
In "The Marry-Go-Round: or How to Save your Money, your Sanity & your Life!" I describe the 7 Stages of Divorce©: Panic, Denial, Agony, Rage, Epiphany, Negotiation & Peace. In Negotiation we negotiate with our self, deciding what we will and won't give away. For many of us, we must keep our pets, for their well-being and ours. I know that money was my husband's addiction and as long as he kept some of my money, he would be unlikely to hunt for us while we were in hiding. Rather than getting even which is always dangerous, I learned to self-soothe and now teach 7 forms of creating inner peace, which allows you and your pets to remain healthy.
To keep your pets safe during and after divorce need to learn a few key skills so that every family member thrives. Since 1999 I have offered 10,000 free phone consultations to those who need Heartspace® skills to create unique solutions to divorce and here are two examples to give you hope:
- An American woman living in Asia with two young children, two dogs and an urgent need to separate and return to the U.S after her husband's risky affair. I taught her how to move the two children, the two nursemaids, all her jewelry and most of her wardrobe to America in what her husband believed was a summer vacation. So successful was the strategy and her ability to learn my sills, that the travel visas for everyone; even the ones required for the dogs, were done with her husband's cooperation. Once they were safe in America, I then taught her how to motivate her husband to a peaceful no-court divorce in which she retained full custody of her children and her dogs!
- A client's wife suffered from bipolar disorder and had charged $50,000 on her credit cards after the separation. She had numerous dangerous behaviors that would make her an unsuitable pet owner for their dogs. During Mediation, she asked for only one of the dogs, one who she assessed would cause her husband the greatest concern because of the dog's health needs. I didn't blink an eye; I advised him to exaggerate the health care needs of the dog and describe in excruciating detail all the time required for the medication, vet appointments and the co-pays. Within the week, the wife lost interest in keeping the dog in a week.
The key points are these:
- Learn to finesse for information no matter what your partner says, it is easy to discover what is the key value, Love or Money.
- "Heartspace® Mediate your own Divorce" training allows you to acquire the skills needed to persuade and inspire and Negotiate.
- Negotiate based on the TRUE NEEDS of each of you instead of fighting and reacting. The spouse who didn't have time to feed or walk a dog, who paid few vet bills may not be bonded to the dog or cat. That spouse may feel relieved to let you keep the pets if you trade something, usually a reduced financial agreement works! This works with child custody, too, if you learn how to use motivating language rather than criticism.
- Researching Divorce Case Law provides past rulings in your county and state to use in Mediation. Be sure you know the Case Law to know what you need to overcome.
- Avoid court no matter what so that you, not a judge, decides your fate and your pet's! YOU can and must learn to make a Deal!
Since 1999, I have helped countless clients save their pets and their children with a deep understanding of their partner's key needs and realizing that there are many ways to meet those needs that do not include giving violent partners access to the vulnerable. In some cases, the solution is Mediation training, holding out the carrot of what the spouse may want far more than the responsibility of a pet.