Flirting is an art, or so I have been told.

For some people, it comes naturally and for others, it’s like speaking a foreign language!

My best friend says that I am a flirt and I should teach Flirting 101! Really? I don’t think that I’m a flirting expert and I’m not even aware that I’m doing it. I guess it comes naturally to me!

But flirting is a large part of the dating culture, so when looking for the love of your life, how can you tell the difference between just flirting and someone pursuing love?

When thinking about the difference between flirting and love, it’s important to understand what flirting is and why people do it.

Flirting is a way to initiate contact, show interest, and help someone feel it’s okay to open up.

It gives someone permission to approach. Flirting can get a conversation going. It also shows playfulness which most people seek in a mate. Who doesn’t like it when someone shows an interest in them and makes them smile?

One of the downsides to flirting is that some people will respond positively, while others may not. Some people just don’t “get” flirting. I know a man in his 50s who still doesn’t recognize when women are flirting with him. It’s completely wasted on him. So if you’re depending on flirting, don’t get attached to the outcome. With flirting the motto is, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained!”

Another problem with a Flirt is sometimes flirting is just a pastime unto itself and nothing more. It’s a form of entertainment, a challenge, an ego boost, or the path to a one-night stand. The big difference between just flirting and pursuing love is flirting is for the moment.

On the other hand, love is about an intentional connection.

If you are looking for lasting love, you want to draw someone into your world. Your interactions go beyond surface flirtation as you seek to get to know someone more deeply. People looking for love want to know about you and who you truly are, and you should want the same. In each interaction there is intention; a goal leading to something potentially more permanent. If you are looking for true love, you can’t depend on flirting your way to it.

However, some people may want to consider “flirting” as a way to begin an interaction or to show an interest in someone.

If that’s you, and you want to add it to your repertoire, here’s what I’ve dissected about my own “flirting” to help you out.

1. Be relaxed and comfortable in your environment. Make sure you’re not uptight or anxious or you’ll come off awkward.
2. Don’t care about the outcome- or how you’ll be perceived. You need a casual attitude about this. It’s like going fishing – you’re just putting the bait out there and seeing if your person of interest is willing to take it.
3. Show you are interested by smiling and having an open stance in your body language, as opposed to crossing your arms or closing your stance.
4. Look the person directly in the eyes when talking to him or her. Eye contact immediately communicates interest and attention.
5. Talk to the person as if you know them already and ask curious questions that communicate you’re interested in learning more.
6. If you are bold, make a sincere, but appropriate, compliment about them. Sincerity rarely comes off as corny!
7. Lean into the person and even touch them on the side of their arm briefly.
8. Keep the banter light and fun!
   

That’s it. Maybe the person asks you for your number, or to spend more time with you, but if there’s no follow-up- don’t despair. Just chalk it up to having a fun encounter and move on.

With all that said, if you are Motivated to Marry and decide to add flirting into your dating routine, I have a few Dos and Don’ts for you:

• DON’T flirt with total strangers in the wild. Whether you’re at bars, grocery stores, gas stations, Starbucks, etc. remember that these may not be “your people”. They may not actually be available, and you could be asking for trouble.
• DO try flirting with people who you know have common interests and life goals. People who are also looking for lasting love at single’s events, mixers, social gatherings, single’s travel groups, etc. where you have a better idea of someone’s intentions. Flirt with the guy your friend invited to the dinner party for you or the girl at the Single’s barbeque.
• DON’T flirt just for attention and be aware that some people flirt just for sport, with no interest in taking the relationship any further.
• DO use flirting as a strategy to show sincere interest in someone who you’d like to get to know better.
• DON’T lead off with sexually suggestive conversation or compliments. It’s just creepy and implies you don’t really care about someone as a person.
• DO be kind and curious. But if you aren’t vibing or you get a weird feeling, it’s ok to say: “Well it was nice meeting you, have a good evening.” and move on.

Remember, the biggest difference between flirting and a love connection is this: the person seeking a serious relationship will want to get to know you better.

They will follow up, ask you out on a true date, take a genuine interest in you, and be willing to open up about their life, values, and goals. Love requires a stronger foundation than just flirting and actions speak louder than silly banter. That’s the difference between flirting and love.

Flirting is a strategy that gets the attention of someone you’re interested in.
A love connection is seeking a future partner with whom you can build a life.

So, at your next Meetup or social event give flirting a try. It may take some practice but have fun and don’t expect anything to come from it. And if it does, consider that a bonus!

If you want support in connecting with your soulmate and learning a proven process to do so, then let’s talk!
Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com.