Friday, June 7, 2024
In a recent Motivated to Marry Coaching Club session, one of the topics that came up is what to do when a guy talks about marriage too soon.
I shared a story about one of my clients who was in her mid-30s. She and her date were driving back from their second date together. While chatting, out of nowhere the guy blurted out, “When we’re married, I’d like us to…”! Shocked, my client said, “Whoa, wait a minute, stop the car, I need to get out!”. I’m sure that wasn’t the response that he was expecting.
The good news was he did stop the car at a nearby park where they sat and talked. She certainly wasn’t expecting to have this critical conversation this soon! But she was willing to have a heart-to-heart with her date and share that she was uncomfortable. They didn’t really know each other very well and it was way too soon to talk about marriage.
Fortunately, he was a reasonable man and gave her the time she needed to get to the same place he was. Turns out, they were engaged in 6 months and married within the year! (Yes, he was Motivated to Marry!).
That is one approach to take when a guy talks about marriage too soon.
The upside of early marriage conversations is that you know what this guy is thinking. So before you decide his eager attention is a turn-off, consider the following strategies.
First, much depends on several factors. Check in with yourself and determine whether you are marriage-minded AND attracted to this guy. Then you can…
- Give him the stall: Just smile and tell him he’s sweet! This way you aren’t shooting him down right away. However, this isn’t addressing the issue head-on; you’re just placating him.
- Do what my client did and say, “Whoa, slow down!”. Again, you want to be careful you’re not stomping on his hopes and dreams. In this scenario, you’re letting him know that you need more time together to get to know each other. Here, you want to encourage him to continue to court you.
- Tell him, “Me too”. Share with him that finding a marriage partner is one of your goals too, confirming you’re both dating for the same reasons. And you’d like to take the time to explore if you’re truly a good match for one another for the long term; that the dating process takes time and patience.
On the other hand, when a guy talks about marriage too soon and you’re not sure if you‘re interested…
- Honesty is always best. Are you willing to be direct and share that you’re not sure you even want to get married at all? If you don’t have the same relationship goals, isn’t it best to part as friends, letting him move on to a woman who is seeking marriage?
- If you still want to “check it out” and give yourself a chance to see where this relationship might go, you can smile and say, “You’re sweet.” so you don’t dash his hopes! Just remember that you will have to address his marriage-mindedness eventually. Give it a couple more dates to see if this relationship has potential. But then you really should share your true feelings about the relationship- good or bad.
- If you intend to turn down his advances when a guy talks about marriage too soon, then the best thing to do is just let him know you don’t see yourself getting married and let him down gently!
In matters of the heart, timing is everything.
Marriage-minded people don’t play games. They are open and honest about their intentions. If you are looking to be married and are clear about your own intentions, it shouldn’t be surprising to come across open, like-minded men. It’s what you’re looking for, after all!
If you need some help navigating a new relationship, or need a proven process to determine if someone is right for you, then let’s talk! Go to www.talkwithcoachamy.com to schedule some time today!