Thursday, August 11, 2011

With a tight job market in a rough economy, holding on to one's job is an imperative strategy, and for those over 50 the prospect of hitting the bricks looking for a job is a frightening prospect. Norma Roth Attorney and author of Aging Gracefully with Dignity, Integrity and Spunk Intact: Aging Defiantly, has developed a number of lifestyle strategies that are geared for just such situations, for recent reports have indicated an unfavorable trend in the workplace: An increasing panic and fear on the part of Baby Boomers due to a fear of forgetting which is understandably viewed as a threat to job security in a time of economic uncertainty.

Roth has a unique take on the situation of growing panic among Baby Boomers over forgetting, another word in the marketplace for "losing it," along with other workplace factors that may come from co-workers looking to diminish others. She says, in a nutshell, to this dynamic, no-nonsense group of movers and shakers to stop the panic: Figure out what is happening, ask yourself what you can do about the situation; and DO IT!

Ms. Roth believes this new phenomenon is being spearheaded by the economic downturn and job uncertainty and is a serious concern, as it should be. Ms. Roth is screaming out a message to Baby Boomers: Learn how to cope; Learn how play the game, and she knows they are good at that! No new skills required! You did not get to where you are without understanding the system and working it to your advantage, and Roth knows as she has previously held high level positions in managerial and executive positions in both the private and public sector.

Yes, Baby Boomers over 50 appear to face serious concerns over forgetting; some have labeled it a growing epidemic. Yes, it is a tight economic market, where job security and layoffs mark concerns among employees on a daily basis; competitiveness for those positions is becoming more aggressive?and with that comes an "anything goes" attitude?-anything, that is, to make the other person look bad. Baby Boomer`s over 50 will quite naturally feel particularly vulnerable and likely targets.

But this is not an insurmountable obstacle they cannot handle? Have this "Accept No Obstacle" group finally met their match? Current literature suggests that yes, there are memory difficulties that start at 50 such as forgetting words, losing a train of thought, forgetting, for the moment, where you have put something. Here are real dilemnas and questions from Norma Roth that must be answered: What is really happening here? How serious a problem is this really? Can I handle it? How?

In 1964, psychologist Dr. Eric Berne published a best seller Games People Play: His objective was to alert people what games were being played in social situations (unthinkingly, perhaps deliberately. or perhaps only with the intent of being funny at the expense of others) that were often making people feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, harassed?often resulting in loss of perceived status?at least momentarily. Dr. Berne`s suggestions, which were widely read and welcomed, were to recognize what was happening, do a "game analysis" and to be prepared to respond.

Roth contends that what is happening in the current workplace is merely new games at the expense of those who will let in happen. In Part II of her book, "Empowerment and Intimidation Management," she deals directly with the deadly games that people (colleagues too!) may play in the workplace and gives a number of important strategies and techniques to deal with them. Empowerment she notes is simply another way of taking charge—something that Baby Boomers are well versed in. Again, it must be said, No new skills required.

The intimidation factor is associated with behavior patterns people use to attempt to create environments that impede your ability of to mentally function at your peak—your ability to both be comfortable and fully participate in the workplace.

While these behavior patterns have always present in the workplace, the new times, the new circumstances and even the new emphasis (at the wrong time) on forgetting as an index of losing it, suddenly makes these former office, jokes, "witticisms," cute remarks about forgetting with you as the subject downright uncomfortable. Whereas before you could let them be, suddenly now that you have "entered that age," and that age is being defined as 55 (or even 50), you know better, don't you? You allow them to go by at your own peril. You now are astute enough to know they cannot go unchecked. So you must draw on your strengths?you didn't get to your current position without exercising them, and learn strategies and techniques to offset them/ and also, confident enough to feel you can tackle them because you have to, because you want to, because you will not suffer fools lightly.

Another section of Aging Gracefully by Norma Roth, "Intimidation Management and Empowerment," which she calls the "Aging Defiantly" part of her book, she develops strategies and techniques for Intimidation Management to minimize their importance, and build a cadre of responses to those well-meaning (or not so well meaning people) who make you feel uncomfortable, or take pleasure in making those embarrassing remarks that get you rattled; in other words, people unthinkingly, or unkindly or deliberately make you the butt of their cleverness that seems to suggest that you are?honestly?losing it! Or, losing it Big time!

Easy to learn, obvious when understood, these strategies and techniques are exactly what Baby Boomers should be concentrating on to succeed in deflecting unwanted and unflattering comments in the workplace that can have a serious effect on their employment?or, at least in their minds, undermining confidence, poise and self esteem?big workforce factors.

Those in the marketplace who undermine their colleagues are playing a serious game with serious repercussions. Baby Boomers will do well to be prepared for those moments of Intimidation—most of which can make person look and feel their qualifications are being undermined: the colleague who fills in the word for you; interrupts you with a question that makes you lose your train of thought; deliberately makes a comment that is sarcastic or cutting or meant to throw you off track. And does. All of these things, of course, happen every day in the workplace, but recognition when remarks or behavior has crossed the line, gone overboard; when the comments are getting more caustic, or when the implications are not funny, but nasty.

Avoidance Strategies and Techniques to Counter Social Encounters for the Silver Generation

The "Word Supplier" and "the Corrector"

The Finisher of Sentences

The Look That Is Meant To Embarrass You

The Disrupter



The Word Supplier or "The Corrector":

The person who is all too ready to supply the missing word or correct you. You make a mistake, use a wrong word, or pause for a moment looking for a word --never mind you and he have been doing it all your life? maybe even laughed at it? but "now," as you "enter that age," it has taken on new meaning and you are all aware of it. How to handle the person who is waiting in the wings to catch you looking for that word, or perhaps mispronouncing a word, or using an incorrect word? He or she can't wait, just jumps right in, makes a big point of it, makes sure everyone is aware of it; you know the kind: "unkind" in a nutshell?and a potential dangerous.*

Response: One word "Whatever"! Yes, whatever!

Accompanied by a smile or accompanied by a gesture of dismissal, better still!)

*Your Concern: The remark may well be taken to have a negative reflection on your ability, the inference being your thoughts or statement should no longer be taken seriously, because, well … you know. This is clearly not acceptable! Or more obviously, that you are not what you were. With the skills and techniques you have mastered, you can't have a handy-dandy response ready?

The Finisher of Sentences

The finishing of a sentence for you can be deceptive at first because, at first blush, it may seem kind—until the allegedly kind finisher of your thoughts makes a cruel remark. (He or she invariably does!)

Some standard responses to keep in mind:

Please don't finish my sentences for me; I "really" prefer to do that.

The Person Who Has Gone Too Far: If you feel that the "finisher of sentences" is really at the rude stage (you let it go too far), you will have to be more assertive. Use a "Stop the World!" hand gesture; or simply say: "If that's what you need to make you feel great about yourself, be my guest."

Or a quick annoyed or angry retort, "Cheap trick, my dear," might be called for, easy and to the point and generally effective. Some of you might want to add, the effective sound "tsk…tsk," along with a shaking of the head. (That often makes the childlike behavior seen for what it is!). Tables turning is fair play. Remember: It's your ego that is at stake.).

The Look That Is Meant To Embarrass You

Those raised eyebrows, the holier-than-thou look, which seems to say, "Where in the world are you going with this?" or "What in heavens are you trying to say?" (and heightens the effect by attempts to include others in the "put-down" look").

Response: The short phrase: Give it a rest! (Said with the right look and intonation, this might just stop the behavior in its tracks.) Or, try these:

Perhaps you are experiencing a brain drain, dear , or

Well, it is perfectly clear to me! (Said with as much annoyance and a cutting-edge voice; that is to say, sharp, clear, firm, slow, haughty.

The Disrupter

You are talking, and as soon as you pause for an instant or even a microsecond, the disrupter jumps in to challenge something you are saying, disrupting the flow of your intended conversation/point/statement, and winds up changing the direction you had intended to take the conversation

Responses (Verbal and Non-Verbal)

As soon as the person is done with the disruptive interruption, go on?as though he or she never even said a word. The trick is to hold your thought

Or, hold up the palm of your hand as a police person directing traffic would in the direction of the one who would interrupt; or the index finger (generally universal, too) to signify "in a moment."



Caveat: Don't let the interrupter allow you to quicken your pace because you feel pressured by the interrupter (he or she isn't worth it). Speak as though you have all the time in the world. As a matter of fact, speak more slowly, for emphasis, so you do not lose your way, and maybe even make a point to the one who would seek to interrupt not to bother next time.

These and other tips on Intimidation Management and Empowerment as well as how to respond "If All Else Fails." will be found in Aging Gracefully With Dignity, Integrity and Spunk Intact; Aging Defiantly, by Norma Roth.

***Source: Games People Play, Dr. Eric Berne (Transactional Analysis) best seller over a million copies in 1964 (pertained to social games that caused stress, discomfort, embarrassment, and how to respond; II of my book Empowerment & Intimidation Management deal with specific strategies and techniques that cover such situations in the workplace.

***Resources References; NY Times Article on Growing Panic in Workplace - Relation to Forgetting; Johns Hopkins series: Memory Over 50 series ( Health Alerts, Reports, Advice on Protecting, Improving Memory, etc.)

Here is a Rebecca Reads Review of her book, Aging Gracefully with Dignity, Integrity and Spunk Intact, Aging Defiantly



Age 55 has come and brain power has left! Where did I leave my keys? Is the garage door closed? Did I leave the oven on? Meet my friend, whatshisname. These are common enough events for all of us growing into maturity, or what is better known as the "Silver Generation". It is the time in one's life when conversation revolves around issues of aging, the most frightening being problems of word and memory retrieval. Fear of dementia and failing health are a constant plague. Attitudes toward growing old have to be revisited and changed.

Norma Roth suggests that fear of aging and the panic that accompanies it should be met head on, first with recognition and then with a plan of attack. In the first half of the book she addresses with anecdotal humor, the occurrence of common worrisome situations, and then offers plans of attack. She encourages seniors to relook at their lives and acknowledge strengths and weaknesses. An honest self-appraisal is the first step in dealing with anxieties and handling the obstacles.

In Part 11 Roth offers a detailed list of techniques offering this generation simple useful skills to use in aging boldly yet gracefully. She urges them to accept the weaknesses that age brings and deal with them. She offers skills to be learned to retrieve memories and language through a relearning process. Best of all, she teaches that self-respect is an important tool in maintaining a good image. The author encourages self-recognition of a lifetime of experience which can invaluable in their empowerment.

This self-help book acts as a pep rally for the Silver Generation. It is a bit repetitive but none the less offers positive advice.

For more about Norma Roth and her books go to www.normarothbooks.com

For media interviews contact Promotion in Motion at 323-461-3921 or brad@promotioninmotion.net